Just Breathe
by Blink24
Summary: Your life is defined by your own choices. Not your blood, not even the people around you. Just you. You decide who and what you want to be and those consequences are yours as well. So remember, when things get hard and it looks like the world is falling apart, just stand up...and breathe.
1. Chapter 1 Sober

Just Breathe

Chapter 1: Sober (P!nk)

It was difficult to say when everything went so very, very wrong in this moving shit show of a life as Evelyn would describe it. Some would say that the beginning was the best place. Well, they were all idiots because then she'd have to go all the way back to 1993 of an _entirely_ _different_ _ **world**_ … Or would it be universe?

An ongoing debate within Evelyn's head that would undoubtedly never end if only to aggravate her more. In any case, the point would be that to know Evelyn and her story a little better, you'd have to know that she didn't start the way most people started.

Well, okay, there was the whole male meets female; birds and the bees/horizontal tango happened; horrifically traumatizing birth that is forever to be forgotten- but that is mostly besides the point. The reader, listener, person hearing a story that undoubtedly sounds so beyond cliche already that it should probably physically hurt at this point, would have to understand that once upon a time Evelyn was not Evelyn.

The start of Evelyn was actually the end of Ashley Adams. Orphan (parents dead at birth), friend of three other people (who hadn't even been in constant contact, so did that even count?), single (first and only boyfriend was caught cheating with her former best friend that isn't listed), poor (no one wanted to hire without experience, but weren't willing to give experience themselves), paying her way through college (and hadn't even gotten her first degree yet because of it), age 24.

Depending on who could ask, Evelyn would have a varying range of responses to Ashley's death. The best thing to take away in the end was the haunted eyes combined with the resignation that it would happen again. Despite all that, it was something she would never fear again. This would be because, to Evelyn at the very least, dying wasn't nearly as scary as waking up. Death was painless. Dying…..Eeeeh, hopefully it would be in her sleep this time around. And waking up well… No actually, the waking up was equal parts traumatizing- because of the whole "miracle of life" experience which was not so miraculous if you were the one going through it if you asked her- as well as disorienting. The terrifying part kicked in as soon as she realized exactly _where_ she was waking up, and that really actually happened about 2 and a half years later.

What?! Being a baby was confusing and disconcerting as hell! And she spent most of it sleeping anyways! And because her brain couldn't handle her adult consciousness, she tired herself out all the time. It was frustrating really, after she was finally long enough to make the first conscious connection of how tired _thinking_ at all made her, it was a constant cycle of 'oh fuck, not this agai- zzzzz'. There was also that when she was awake, she was so freaking blind and her senses were so messed up that she had a difficult time to pick up on anything happening around her. Plus! Remembering anything during the moments she was awake was _beyond_ difficult, like holding water with splayed fingers. Part of her felt like she went from traumatizing event that should never have a name to place it straight to toddler years, like two years didn't even really happen.

Evelyn became aware enough just in time to realize that she did have a birth mom around this time (which- hey, cool, she had parents this time around), just that birth mom was weirded out by her overly intelligent eyes and didn't want to deal with an abnormal kid. Nameless birth mom was nice enough to let the birth dad about Evelyn just as she dropped Evelyn off at the orphanage with a blanket that was promptly stolen, but the thought counted right? Good to know that nameless birth mom wasn't heartless and apparently responsible enough to know that she couldn't take care of a child and gave the child to someplace that would hopefully do better than a possibly abusive environment right?

Evelyn's third birthday came and went- not that she knew it until much later- before she finally met her birth father. It had taken her biological father minutes to confirm a DNA match, but months to decide what to do with her. The same week Evelyn met her obviously terrified biological father, she was passed off again. This time all the way in England where a nanny would take care of her until she could enter the daycare at the boarding school she would be attending for the next X number of years.

That was fine. Cool. Her biological father… didn't want her either.

Okay, forget that. It hurt. Everything hurt like a bitch. The hurt this time just took a while to set in because, initially, Evelyn had been in shock.

Well, anyone just getting over the whole reincarnation thing for one, and the- curveball! Tony Stark is your bio daddy! Yeah, no. Shock is the least she could go through. There was also the _shitfuckfuckfuckohhellnothisain'thappeningfuckno_ panic, but Evelyn prefers to think that she handled everything in a calm mature fashion most days. And even when she didn't, it should be completely understandable for her to go through the hysteria that she did.

Evelyn would always say that she wished the shock never faded though, because then there was just hurt left behind- a hurt that would linger for years. Ashley had already spent a long time in that orphan 'I'm not wanted' phase and to actually experience parents pushing her aside was something she would be haunted by for the rest of her life as Evelyn.

Suffice to say, Evelyn was a very sad toddler. Luckily for the nanny- whom Evelyn would grow very attached to over the years- Evelyn never threw fits from her waves of anger and hurt. It was clear to all the adults that Evelyn was very intelligent for her age (the only good thing about the bio daddy at that point, her intelligence was self explained) and was more aware of her situation than any child should ever have to be. The most Evelyn would do when her emotions became too much for her was to find a secluded area and cry, a heart wrenching sight to walk in on- though that became more and more difficult as well as Evelyn got to know her area more, as it became apparent that she didn't like anyone to see her in these moments.

Evelyn became something of a favorite for the staff of the boarding school as Evelyn's maturity kept her calmer than the children around her and her kindness showed through with her willingness to help those around her. Evelyn during this time came into the mindset that if her parents didn't want her, then that was fine. Blood family didn't define a person, a person was who they were because of their own choices and actions. Blaming blood was just a cop out and she didn't need people who didn't want her anyways.

When she was nearly five, Evelyn suffered another blow in the form of the death of her dear nanny. It was decided that, as she was of the age to live in the dorms provided by her school, she would not need a replacement. Evelyn spent her birthday alone and cold in a way that had nothing to do with the snow covering her dorm.

After a politically appropriate mourning period, the one and only attempt to push Evelyn ahead in school was made. Evelyn had broken down in tears and _begged_ her headmaster from both going through with the decision and informing her biological father from knowing. After calmed down and reassured many times that nothing would be done without her consent, Evelyn was able to explain that she didn't want to be away from the relationships she had made (playing on the pity the adults felt on her- not that they would ever know they were being played) and that she didn't want to be seen as different (another play at the social outcast that would undoubtedly follow her).

The compromise made was that Evelyn could attend her classes with her own aged peers, and then work on coursework more of her intellectual level on her own time and speed. That was fine with Evelyn, being a child was actually very boing since she didn't play with toys or run around outside like the average child. Keeping busy was what kept her going, especially on days where her aging body affected her emotions. Physical activity came in the form of Tai Chi, something Ashley had always wanted to get into even though she never had time between two jobs and school, and dance- though, this was mostly on her own from remembering her old lessons as Ashley before college. An outside instructor had to be brought in to teach Evelyn, but everything was smoothly handled by the personal assistant of Stark, and Evelyn had very little trouble over her request. A few hours a week was spent learning the piano- another desire lingering from her last life. The rest of her free hours were spent studying and reading and Evelyn was quickly pushed into college level material.

College level material brough Evelyn into contact with the college headmaster and, more importantly, Jemma Anne Simmons and Leopold Fitz.

Though Jemma and Leo argued like cats and dogs, they were always very kind to Evelyn. Being young themselves, they understood the stigma that came with young geniuses and even though they encouraged her to be confident enough in herself to break the mould, they were still very understanding about her choices. Sometimes, when she was alone, Evelyn would feel guilty- like she was unjustly conning the world into believing she was smarter than she actually was. Yeah, she picked up on things faster than her old life, but Evelyn could tell that those two were legitimate geniuses. They could make connections and leaps that no ordinary person could ever imagine. It was worse because the two held no animosity towards her even though she was in college even younger than them.

Still the three became very close in their one year together. Jemma and Leo became older siblings to Evelyn and filled part of the hole (that Evelyn tried very hard to not think about). But the FitzSimmons duo were bound for greater things and were soon recruited by a mysterious agency to an academy in the USA. The goodbye was tearful and filled with promises to keep in contact, but made with understanding and all well wishes for all parties. Correspondence became progressively more sporadic over the course of the following year, but still maintained to the best of their abilities.

But it was not too long after the departure of FitzSimmons that a notable change in Evelyn's livelihood occurred.

Because that year Anthony Stark went to Afghanistan.


	2. Chapter 2 Just One Yesterday

**Thank you to** **mun3litKnight** **and** **Beasttamer99** **for your wonderful reviews!**

Just Breathe

Chapter 2: Just One Yesterday (Fall Out Boy feat. Foxes)

Evelyn had been pulled out of her classes and quietly informed by her professors before being allowed to return to her dorm and take the rest of the day off.

Truth be told, Evelyn didn't actually know what to feel. Some small vindictive part of her muttered _good_ , but a larger part felt guilty. Not about the vindictive thought, good heavens no! No, she felt guilty because she knew about the event and hadn't made any effort to mention it at all. While she held no love for the man, he was still a human being and it was wrong to let him go through torture.

 _Who would believe a kid though_ , Evelyn thought to herself. But even these thoughts didn't stop the burning gaze of her electronic notepad.

She stared at the black screen of the notepad that she and Fitz had built together what seemed like a lifetime ago with all that had happened. There was no internet access, bluetooth, sim card, or anything that could allow the device to be hacked. Someone would literally have to dismantle the device to get to the contents, the safest Evelyn could make it without using paper and pencil. Not that she hadn't started out like that, but her records of everything from her last life had grown so immense (and she hadn't even gotten everything down) that eventually the notepad seemed like it would be the safer and most easily hidden option. No stray papers to worry about that way and if push came to shove, Evelyn could smash the hard drive and get rid of everything. The storage on the notepad was insane, the technology in this world so so similar yet so much more than her last one. But the pad held everything that she could remember, both about where she was and about anything else she could think of from the time before.

Sadly, she had noticed gaps in the details and knew that her memories were fading. There was something both terrifying and sad about that. Memories were all she had from before. And, yeah, it wasn't the perfect life, but she had worked hard at it. It was familiar. It was home. And now… Now she didn't have that. Hopefully she'd never have to get rid of her homemade device, since her mind was relying on that device to remember what she couldn't.

That said, it still didn't solve her Tony dilemma. She had to come to terms with the fact that even if she had tried, nothing would have happened other than to draw Stane's attention to her- a thought that sent a shiver of fear down her spine. Obadiah Stane was the first of many boogeymen that hid in Evelyn's closet, his threat made more pronounced by the fact that she was Tony Stark's kid.

Stane visited her once every year since she was first dropped off in London and Evelyn had done everything she could to seem like a meek, love deprived little girl- giving small shy smiles at the man's praise, but keeping her head down, speaking only when prompted, always polite and quiet. Evelyn knew that Stane bought her performance.

Knew not thought.

Knowing things besides what she had learned from her old life would be something very important to note, because if there was one secret Evelyn was determined to take to her grave with herself as the sole informer, that little difference would be it. Evelyn hadn't noticed it until the death of her nanny, but sometimes she would know things ahead of time. Not like seeing the future know, but like a ping on the radar before something occured. A feeling that something would happen before it happened. Something like intuition.

On her very extremely rare good days, Evelyn would joke that it was her very own spidey sense without the pain of a radioactive spider, which would promptly remind her was she was and make her depressed. So most days- or at least when she acknowledged that she had any ability- Evelyn would call it her very own hyper intuition in respect of an old anime she had read in high school at the library where she would often hang around before school started to actually have a peaceful recreational moment.

It wasn't a mutation (thank god, Evelyn didn't know how she would handle that on top of everything else), she had confirmed as much with the help of Jemma- not that the woman had known that, that was was Evelyn was checking for, just that they were studying DNA and the like. And Evelyn was mostly hopefully certain that she wasn't inhuman (not that she would ever risk that test), so eventually she came to the conclusion that it was either a built in warning system slash lie detector the universe gave her to apologize for dumping her very aware soul where it shouldn't be or her system was on constant ' _you are on defcon one forever bitches!_ ' mode and she was just on constant super vigilance alert. Still, it could be interpreted as equal parts gift and tactical advantage and Evelyn was _not_ going to become to tool for anyone.

Evelyn pushed her pad away from her and stood up, heading over to her bathroom to splash her face with some water to help clear her head a little. Looking up, she paused to look at the familiar stranger looking back. It had been years now, but it was still odd looking at the girl on the other side of the reflective surface. In some ways, it was like her old face had been superimposed onto this body. Her face clearly what she had looked like before as a seven year old in her old yearbooks, unless she was forgetting, but she doubted since these comparisons seemed too strong. But the unfamiliar dark brown hair and green eyes made her own face seem alien to her. Evelyn wanted her old cardboard colored hair and chocolate eyes back, she'd never complain about her coloring again if she did. It was funny since in her last life she had always wished she had a pretty eye color like blue or green.

 _Hindsight's a bitch, ain't it?_

With that thought a rush of homesickness ran over her and Evelyn pushed away from the bathroom sink with a sad sigh, forcing her thoughts from the past back to her current dilemma.

Really, there was nothing she could do in the end. Being only seven years old and not even capable of calling the paternal biological donator an acquaintance left her with little options. Her best bet was to hope that Stane left her alone at the academy and that when Tony made it back everything could go back to normal on the other side, meaning that her side was safe the way it was. Evelyn had carved out a nice little niche for herself here and wanted to keep it the way it was. She felt like her schooling was proceeding nicely and was very close to her very first degree, something she was exceedingly excited for because of her failure to do so before her time as Ashley ended.

For now she wouldn't think about the other side of the pond. Tony would make it back and she wouldn't have to worry about her life being disrupted. All she had to do was bear through the sympathy phone calls and updates, and before she knew it Evelyn would be left alone by those people once more.

Evelyn nodded to herself confidently. Everything would work out in the end without her having to do anything.

xXx

This was not working out the way she wanted it to.

"Moving?" Evelyn questioned blankly.

"Yes," the headmaster confirmed with a sad smile. "Your father has informed us of your immediate transfer and has already taken care of all the paperwork for your transcripts. He has even sent help ahead to gather up your belongings and ship them to your house in California."

"California? As in, the United States of America?" The young girl continued to question, her visage every bit of a someone not wanting to understand the situation presented to them.

The dean sighed. He had not been looking forward to breaking the news to this small lonely child. "I am so sorry dearie. I informed your father that he should discuss with you about the possibility of returning to America before making any decisions, but he decided to act on his rights as your father."

Had Evelyn been a normal child, she might have been happy about the prospect of being brought home. After all, didn't that mean that her father wanted her? But Evelyn was not a normal child. No, Evelyn was an adult, with all the memory and the ability to hurt and reason like one. To suddenly take the independence of an adult away from them, to make decisions for them without even consulting said adult, was something no grown person would stand when they had built a life they were proud and comfortable with.

Evelyn knew that in the eyes of the world she was a child, a minor, and therefore would not be allowed to make any choices about her lifestyle on her own. But neither would she stand to be torn away from everything she had built up for herself just because the man who threw her away in the first place thought he had a change of heart. Humans were nothing if not creatures of habit, change was rare and something that Evelyn didn't believe in. She wasn't going to go into a cold house where the man would try to be different, only to falter and land back on his old habits.

"But- But what about my college credits?!" Evelyn argued. "What about the friends and life I built up here?!"

The elderly headmaster sighed as he gazed at the young child's furiously blinking bright eyes and the distressed expressions she was trying so hard to hide. "I am so sorry, dearest Eevee. I tried- believe me I tried, I did not want to abandon you and send you away from where you've clearly grown attached to. But in the end, I am not your family and so your well-being is out of my control."

Evelyn sniffed, ducking her head down as she tried to force back her tears, her hands tightened into painful white knuckle fists.

"There now," the headmaster crouched in front of the young girl who refused to meet his eyes and placed a hand on top of her head. "I spoke to Mister Stark's personal assistant regarding your university schooling and made sure that she understood that you wanted to keep that information to yourself and only disclose it to those of your choice. Miss Potts assured me that she would not speak to Mister Stark about it unless you gave your permission, and that she would do her best to help get you set up in classes discreetly at your request."

"But Miss Potts isn't you," Evelyn argued petulantly in a small wounded tone. "And America isn't like here."

"No… no it's not, but you're a strong and smart girl, Eevee," the headmaster insisted. "I know you can build yourself a home where ever you set your mind too. And you will _always_ be welcome back here."

A few tears escaped her control, but the corner of her mouth kicked up slightly in a wobbly smile so the headmaster took that as much of a win as he was going to get. At least Evelyn knew that she was wanted somewhere, even if she couldn't be there, and that was the best the old headmaster was able to do for the poor girl.

He brought the young Stark child to the waiting lounge, providing the girl with one last good cup of tea while they waited for the arrival of the elder Stark to come take the girl away. Only to be severely disappointed when a Happy Hogan arrived instead to take the girl. The headmaster was further embittered when he saw that young Evelyn had already expected as much and couldn't even be bothered to be disappointed herself. But what was done was done and the headmaster could only see her off with with a handful of the staff and caretakers, all with sad smiles as she watched them wave from the back of the vehicle.

xXx

Pepper greeted young Evelyn Thomas with a smile. She had been hoping that she would be greeted by a nervous, shy, and hopeful little girl; but couldn't help but expect a young female child version of Tony when he was angry. What she got was in some ways a whole lot worse. The small girl just stared at her, her young face blank of emotions. Sure Evelyn had greeted her politely, her upbringing clear in her English accent, but there was no joy or anger anywhere in her tone. Frankly, the little girl just looked tired and fed up with everything.

Happy explained quietly while they loaded a few of the bags into the trunk of the car that Evelyn had be quiet the entire trip, only speaking when spoken to and with as few words as possible.

This had Pepper biting her lip anxiously. Handling most of Tony's paperwork also meant that she handled all of Evelyn's as well. In some ways, Pepper felt like she already knew so much about the child. A genius just like her father, friendly to her classmates- if a bit scared of rejection because of her living arrangements from so young, but overall well adjusted and a welcome member of the community. She supposed it was foolish for her to hope that Evelyn's age would prevent her from making any connection that she was in any way unwanted, but she really wanted this meeting to work out for both Tony's and Evelyn's sake.

Sure, Pepper had told Tony that it would be better to ease himself back into Evelyn's life before presenting the option to return stateside. But she also felt that they both needed this: this being family.

Getting kidnapped and tortured for three months seemed to have put a lot in perspective for Tony, and he truly looked like he was trying to make amends. And Tony would never admit it, but he was nervous to meet his kid. Most of what he knew was summarized by others, but he knew she was bright for his age and was socially well liked. He didn't speak of his time in captivity, but Rhodey had gotten enough out of the elder Stark to know that the other man in captivity had convinced Tony that overcoming his fear and being a family with his daughter was important- something that Tony was treating as a last request from the man who became his friend.

So Pepper was understandably nervous about the coming meeting. It would be so wonderful for the both of them if they could reconcile their pasts. But seeing the tired, uninterested visage told the PA that this dysfunctional family wasn't going to get any form of a happy therapeutic reunion.

She sent a text ahead to her boss with a warning to not be too upfront with the girl and to do his best to ease her into her new living situation since he didn't consult her about her new living arrangements. He had to take things slow and be careful, no overwhelming and talking a mile an hour without filtering his words.

Of course, since when did Tony actually _listen_?

 **Penny for your thoughts? Improvements? Hopes? Overall opinions?**


End file.
